Thursday Jacob went in to the pediatrician for his 18 month well check up. As of today Jacob is 22 months. We were a little behind. As I was filling out the form for his evaluation, my heart sunk again. I had to check no for every single 18 month milestone except that he was walking and running. I had to stop myself from getting choked up and I just reminded myself that God made him special. It never feels right filling out those check lists. Its just a terribler reminder of how far behind he is. The main questions were regarding him making good eye contact, having words, pointing for things he wants, reacting to his name and reacting to simple commands. He can't yet do any of those things. I asked the doctor if him repeating dada after me counted as his first word, but she said no. It won't count as a real word until he knows what he is saying. Praying for that first word soon. I really hope he will say momma or dada to us when he turns two, but if not thats ok too. We also went to Texas Children's to get Jacob's blood drawn for fragile x genetic testing. We will know the results within 2-3 weeks. I am so happy and thankful that we will finally have an answer about it. Do I think he has fragile x? No not really. I know the chances are pretty small, but it will be nice to know for sure. I have decided not to even think about what it means if he does have it until I know for sure, because I don't need the added anxiety. Up until today I have been feeling pretty encouraged and positive. I was just hit with a bomb and am still processing it.
We recieved a letter in the mail today from social security disability. I applied for disablity income because getting approved for even $1 a month ensures Jacob insurance. I even got a call from his case worker when he was working on the approval and he said that things looked good for Jacob to be approved. Well....the letter stated that as of February of 2012 they have officially declared Jacob as a disabled person, but that they denied him of social security disability due to our family income. I feel like I've been kicked in my gutt. I really can't remember crying so hard in such a long time. Thankfully Cret was there when I read it and as I sobbed he held me. He told me it would be ok, but I just couldn't hold back the tears this time. Where do I go for help now? He is disabled and he can't get disability insurance??? I don't understand. Our insurance won't cover his disability and social security disability won't cover him. Where do we go from here? I feel so confused and lost. Like I am this deep water and I can see the life preserver but I just can't reach it, no matter what I do. I have tried everything I know to do to be Jacob's advocate, but I can't get him the help he needs.
I started thinking about my relationship with God tonight. There is a bigger plan at work here and I have to trust Him. I am just hurting I guess. As I was driving home from a birthday dinner tonight, it was as if God could hear my cries and the perfect song came on and the end of it just sang to my soul. God I trust you. If you want the waters to rise around me, so be it. Let the waters rise and I know you will bring me to higher ground, God. I trust you in this.
Please say a prayer for my sweet Jacob. If it is in Gods will I would love for Jacob to be able to have insurance that covers his disabilities. However, I trust that Gods will is the best and insurance may not be what best glorifies God's kingdom. Thank you for your prayers.
http://youtu.be/W8kiMBaFaA8
Let The Waters Rise lyrics
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
Ohhh
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
We recieved a letter in the mail today from social security disability. I applied for disablity income because getting approved for even $1 a month ensures Jacob insurance. I even got a call from his case worker when he was working on the approval and he said that things looked good for Jacob to be approved. Well....the letter stated that as of February of 2012 they have officially declared Jacob as a disabled person, but that they denied him of social security disability due to our family income. I feel like I've been kicked in my gutt. I really can't remember crying so hard in such a long time. Thankfully Cret was there when I read it and as I sobbed he held me. He told me it would be ok, but I just couldn't hold back the tears this time. Where do I go for help now? He is disabled and he can't get disability insurance??? I don't understand. Our insurance won't cover his disability and social security disability won't cover him. Where do we go from here? I feel so confused and lost. Like I am this deep water and I can see the life preserver but I just can't reach it, no matter what I do. I have tried everything I know to do to be Jacob's advocate, but I can't get him the help he needs.
I started thinking about my relationship with God tonight. There is a bigger plan at work here and I have to trust Him. I am just hurting I guess. As I was driving home from a birthday dinner tonight, it was as if God could hear my cries and the perfect song came on and the end of it just sang to my soul. God I trust you. If you want the waters to rise around me, so be it. Let the waters rise and I know you will bring me to higher ground, God. I trust you in this.
Please say a prayer for my sweet Jacob. If it is in Gods will I would love for Jacob to be able to have insurance that covers his disabilities. However, I trust that Gods will is the best and insurance may not be what best glorifies God's kingdom. Thank you for your prayers.
http://youtu.be/W8kiMBaFaA8
Let The Waters Rise lyrics
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
Ohhh
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
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