Jacob's neurologist sent his official diagnosis to his pediatrician today. She diagnosed him with macrocephaly, speech and language disorder, encephalopathy, and severe autism. It took a long time to get his official diagnosis because they were testing for medical conditions before they labeled him. Hopefully, with treatment, his diagnosis of autism and speech delays can change in time, but I am not guaranteed that anything will change. I am glad we have a diagnosis so that we can possibly get more help for him, still it is hard to hear it officially. Why? I have no idea. It just is.
I cried again about it. I am sure no one would blame me. I started to worry about his therapy and development, but almost immediately caught myself and opened up my Bible. Instead of worrying, I am going to be thankful for an amazing neurologist that really cares for Jacob, for unbelievable friends who are helping me through this and offering help that I never would have asked for and for a God who knows Jacob by name and loves him and keeps providing just what he needs. I am not going to focus on Jacob's autism today. Obviously, I will care for him, but I have to be careful as to not make all this my main focus some days. I am going to redirect my thoughts to Jesus. I know I have to think about Jacob and his therapy and what's best for him, but my main focus and love should be on God's kingdom. After reading Philippians 4 again today I was reminded to rejoice in the Lord, pray constantly with a heart of gratitude, and to always remain thankful regardless of my circumstances. I know that God will give me peace.
Matthew 6:31-34 (ESV)
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.