A Good Plan

 

Everyone loves a good plan. I know I sure do. I like to think of every single scenario and plan around each one. I like to research and google and then come up with a plan that honors God, is good for the kids, and makes us happy (as happy as possible considering the situation). I don’t know that I take each of those into account for every plan, but for big plans, that’s usually the case.

I’d say that most of the time we are more successful and productive when we make plans and follow through with them. So you’d better believe that I make plans for Jacob’s life…therapy, goals, future…as much as possible.  

The thing about that is that our plans are almost always thwarted. Every time I think to myself, “Hey, we are on the right track. Things are going well and moving forward”, something happens. Something that is not usually what we planned or what we wanted.

That happened yesterday. Things are moving forward with Jacob. He is nearing the end of what they think they can teach him at his clinic. They told me we have maybe a year before he needs to transition to the private school program that they have. They shadow kids in typical classes and then have a breakout class for the more challenging subjects. It is a pretty unique program. We enrolled Jacob into a homeschool coop to start learning how to work with neurotypical peers and listen to teachers to prepare him for this HUGE transition…this awesome plan for his life and growth. Things were going great.

However, in my one on one with his therapist I was shocked to learn that Jacob isn’t a candidate for the program anymore. All of this time they’ve been telling me that is the goal. That’s where he is headed. Now, due to his off-task behavior, low attending, and lower academic level, that isn’t an option. In hindsight, I should’ve seen this coming. A part of me wondered how he would do in that school, but I figured since the inclusion classes were just specials, he would be ok.

For those wondering, several BCBAs have told me that Jacob isn’t a good fit for public school yet either. It is a great option for some, but for kids like Jacob it would be bad. He learns at a very fast pace, but his speech limits him to learning in a very particular way. His behavior would suggest a class with a much lower academic level than he is capable of. It isn’t the first time a behavior analyst has told me that. I think we are up to 3 now. All say the same thing.

Back to square one. How do I make a plan for this kid? How do I make a plan knowing that it most likely won’t’ happen? After all, that’s been the case time and time again. And how do I not lose complete hope here? Having a plan equals success, right?

Each time this happens, I’m reminded that I have nowhere to go but to HIM. I can’t run to a plan, because the plans are all screwed up. Heck, there isn’t even a plan at all now.

Do you have some area in your life that is totally out of your control? The unknowns are always the hardest. Gosh, any challenge with your child is crushing, but especially those that you just have zero control of.

I was reading a poem from John Piper today that says:

                Not grace to bar what is not bliss,

                Nor flight from all distress, but this:

                The grace that orders our trouble and pain,

                And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain.

He explains that “Grace does not prevent pain, but orders it, arranges it, measures it, and then, in the darkness of it, sustains us.”

WOW. It’s so true. Through all the years and all the struggles and setbacks, God has sustained us and given us grace to stay obedient, trusting, and joyful despite it. What’s more is He draws us closer to Him in them and through them. I hope that one day I can reach a level of faith that when a struggle comes, I welcome it and don’t initially run to fear, knowing that God is just bringing us closer to Him. Maybe I’ll never reach that level, but what I can do is remember all the times that He has worked these unplanned trials out for our good, all the times He has surprised us with something better or even something more difficult that grew us. Looking back on that helps me to trust Him now.

I remember the time God sent Cret a job with insurance that covered ABA out of the blue when we only had 1 month of therapy money left. I remember that each time we lost insurance coverage after that, God opened a new door and it worked out. I remember the time we prayed for answers to Jacob’s elopement and then friends, family, and a superstar paid for his service dog. I remember the time a new clinic that we had really wanted Jacob to attend finally had an opening for Jacob and that month (after years and years) dropped their initial deposit from $10,000 to only $1,000. We enrolled him right away. That’s really just the tip of the iceberg. God has done some really amazing things for us in ways we really couldn’t imagine. He’s also shown us that when things didn’t work out as we’d hoped, we were ok because we had Him.

I may not have a plan now, but God always does. I am praying desperately to keep that at the forefront of my mind, that HE has a plan for our good and that it may not include answering my prayers the way I want them answered. But He is trustworthy. When things are easy, I’m not always desperately seeking. Maybe that’s why it isn’t easy so often. When will my stubborn brain learn?

I wonder how many times will I be right back at this point? Maybe a million, maybe a billion. But I would rather be desperately seeking Him then comfortable without Him.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

God has a purpose for our family and that obviously includes suffering and challenges. But God always shows up for us through it. Always.