We are a few weeks in now and I must say that life with Reid
has gotten A LOT easier. Walking with
Reid has become pretty normal. Its much simpler than wrestling with Jacob. We
have seen Reid protect Jacob while crossing streets and he even saved Jacob from
a car the other day. We were headed out
of Costco and the wind started blowing.
Anyone that knows Jacob, knows that the wind is his mortal enemy. He flung his arms all around and took off
running behind us towards moving cars. I
made Reid stop, which stopped Jacob in his tracks before getting in front of
the car. It was a pretty cool
moment.
Actually, every moment with Reid
has been pretty cool. The biggest thing is that Jacob is walking by himself! He
has independence and he is so proud.
Jacob’s therapists say that they have never seen Jacob happy like he is
now. I am so grateful. I had to remind myself to just breath and
take it all in and relax. The crisis of
a new dog and new rules and new schedule was over.
Funny how right when one thing ends another begins,
right? I’m sure you ASD moms get
it. Last week we took Jacob to another
BCBA to get an evaluation for an academic program (because he is really behind)
only to hear that he isn’t ready for all the academics because his language
comprehension isn’t age appropriate.
Unfortunately, the clinic he attends only goes up so far and doesn’t
work on the high functioning language and reading comprehension issues due to insurance. That leaves us paying out of pocket for a
really incredible, but really expensive BCBA.
Sometimes I wish for things to just be easy for a bit…for there to be a
time without crisis or struggle… But
right when I needed it, I heard from God.
‘Fear God, wait for
the Lord’
This past Sundays sermon really hit home for me as a special
need momma. The sermon wasn’t geared
particularly at this, but if you, like me, live in either a constant state of
crisis or the next crisis is just waiting to happen I urge you to listen to the
sermon here: https://www.ebcnorthhouston.com/isaiah-812
Isaiah 8:11-15
11 For
the Lord spoke thus to me with his strong hand upon me,
and warned me not to walk in the way of this people, saying: 12 “Do not
call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not
fear what they fear, nor be in dread. 13 But the Lord of hosts, him you shall
honor as holy. Let him be your fear, and let him be your dread. 14 And he will become a sanctuary
and a stone of offense and a rock of stumbling to both houses of
Israel, a trap and a snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem. 15 And many shall
stumble on it. They shall fall and be broken; they shall be snared and taken.”
In a time of crisis
God reminds us to honor him as holy and to fear and dread him. What an interesting thing to do in a time of
crisis.
“Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls
conspiracy” instead “him you shall honor as holy”
I can’t count the times that I have tried to blame someone
or something or mostly myself or my past sin for Jacob’s autism. Guilt and anger can creep up in my heart and
steal my joy and test my faith. As my
pastor suggested, it is usually because I get scared and I want to find some
order in the chaos of it all. But God is
sovereign over all things. I recognized
that every time I start to question ‘why’ or those thoughts of blame and
conspiracy creep in, I need to study God’s word and to be reminded who he is and that
he is in control of everything that happens.
Jacob’s autism was not a surprise to God. The struggles our family faces are not a
surprise to God. The opposite is true,
nothing happens without God’s consent.
That truth alone gives me comfort.
As a believer, I know that God wants good for me. His good may not look like my good, but I am
so thankful for even that. His plan and
purpose aren’t limited to my understanding or desires or definition of good and
that gives me hope. God, in his infinite
sovereignty and goodness and justice and love, allowed Jacob to have autism. He
has a plan for our lives and that plan is obviously bigger than mine. His authority can be trusted. Because of that
truth I have joy despite the times of real struggle in our lives. God is holy.
“…do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread” instead “Let
him be your fear, and let him be your dread”
If I’m being honest, what haven’t I feared when it comes to
Jacob? I have feared for his safety, his
health, his happiness, his learning, what people think of him, what people
think of me, am I sharing too much, is the sharing helping, do people think I
am an idiot (probably)…I have dreaded the future for him, I dreaded the future
for my marriage (will we always be caregivers, will we get vacations alone,
etc.)…the list goes on and on. Usually I
try to nip that fear and dread right away. Although those fears are usually fleeting and I try not to let the fear influence my behavior, I am certainly not
perfect. It is hard not to fear
men. Its hard not to fear a lot of
things and its hard not to dread the future sometimes. But, God says we should only fear and dread
him. I loved that my pastor explained
the freedom and confidence you can have when you no longer fear the world, but
only fear God. He said that God will
replace fear and dread with hope and peace. We fear God because he is holy and perfect and
just and we want to be holy imitators of him, not slaves to the world. When we fear the things of God, all the
things of the world are put in to perspective.
We dread the future without a saving faith in Jesus because we are
separated from God in this life and the afterlife because of our sin. God is so holy and sin cannot be in his
presence. Therefore, we cannot be in his
presence because we are sinners. But God
sent his son Jesus to live a blameless life and die on the cross to pay our
punishment for sin. That price was paid
in full on the cross and when Jesus died and rose from the grave he conquered
sin and death once and for all. If you
believe this and surrender your life to Jesus, God forgives all your sin past
present and future and you can be in right relationship with him. We fear/ dread God because he is the creator
of all the universe to which we owe all.
When you have Jesus as your foundation, nothing, no crisis, no
diagnosis, nothing will shake you. Your
fear is replaced with true hope because God is bigger than your crisis.
God is big enough to get me through any crisis that comes up
and he is big enough to do the same for you.
Trust in the Lord “ And
he will become a sanctuary and a stone of offense” for you in your
time of struggle. God doesn’t promise
that you will be crisis-free as a believer, but he walk with you through
anything and he will give you comfort and true hope.
If you need prayer or if you want to know more about
becoming a Christian please email me at allisonhill4jesus@yahoo.com
and I would love to talk about it with you and pray for you.
