Sunday, December 8, 2024

Finding Real Comfort When the Decorations Fall Short



This weekend, I attended a women’s breakfast at my church, where Pauline George spoke on a message we hear often—keeping Christmas about Christ. But this time, those words hit differently.

Pauline talked about how we pour so much energy into our Christmas lists—the things to do, buy, and plan. We obsess over the what and how but rarely pause to consider the why. That question stuck with me. Why do I do the things I do during the holidays? How often do I stop to just consider why? 

She said that when someone asks, “Are you ready for Christmas?” our typical response is about the gifts we’ve bought, the decorations we’ve hung, or the meals we’ve planned. It’s all about the external—what I can check off my list. But why? 

For me, I think it’s because I’m seeking comfort. My love language is gifts, and going “all out” with cozy decorations and thoughtful presents is my way of creating a nostalgic, comforting atmosphere. Decorations remind me of childhood memories of falling asleep by the Christmas tree. I love that the decorations make Jacob sing and light up. I love that my kids think I am a crazy Christmas mom and I love that it somehow makes me feel close to my dad, who has passed. These are all lovely things, right?

But this year, the decorations haven’t brought the comfort they usually do. They’ve felt... empty. Today, during the sermon, I was again convicted of why.

Christmas isn’t about the “stuff” that fills our homes; it’s about the Savior who came to change our hearts. Without Christmas, we wouldn’t have Jesus. We all hear it year after year, but does our life reflect it? God sent His only Son into the world to live a perfect life and die for our sins—past, present, and future—so we could be made right with Him. That’s the comfort I’ve been missing while seeking it through all the stuff. I know it, but I needed to be reminded of it. 

Pauline encouraged us to make a different kind of Christmas list this year—a “spiritual plan” for the season. She gave us three ideas to start:

  • Use your voice for God.
  • Slow down.
  • Seek the why.

The third one resonated with me deeply. Seeking the why calls for discernment—it shifts our focus from the frantic what and how of our plans to the deeper purpose behind them.

I’ve been clinging to the temporary and overlooking the eternal. Decorations and traditions are lovely—they’re part of the joy and celebration—but they can’t bear the weight of my longing for peace and connection. Only Jesus can do that.

So this Christmas, I want to hold loosely to the busy-ness and tightly to my Savior. To pause amidst the wrapping paper and twinkling lights and reflect on the One who came to rescue me. Because the true comfort of Christmas isn’t found in the things we do, but in the God who did it all for us.

May we all make much of Him this season.





Saturday, December 7, 2024

God is Good

 


In our new church we have been discussing God as our provider. I’ve felt that so much over the years. Today was no exception. I’ve been pretty lonely the last couple weeks. I miss my girl Jordan Fox and my family in TX. 


During discussion at church tonight I got to hear people share their testimonies. We had discussion questions, but our leader asked people to share instead. It was just what my heart needed. There isn’t anything more powerful than hearing how God is working in people’s lives. I’m so thankful. 


I have so many stories of God working in our lives but the one I love to share most is when Cret and I agreed to sell our home and my wedding ring and virtually everything we had to give Jacob a chance of speech. We were living on a prayer every moment back then. I love to revisit this story to remind me to be focused on God and not myself and to live prayerfully still. 


Back then our insurance didn’t cover autism and all the research pointed to full time ABA for his best chances of success. So we followed what the Lord was telling us to do and decided that God had blessed us with things that we could use to help Jacob. In the background, I was struggling deeply with the love of material things. I prayed for release from that. I had no idea God would answer that prayer by showing me I needed to sell everything dear to me, including the wedding ring my husband bought me with the money he got from selling his grandfathers classic truck. So we sold our dream home, my dream ring, and everything else we had of value because we knew God had given us means to care for Jakey.


Nearly a year later, with only 3 months left of money for therapy the Lord asked us to put Him before therapy by supporting a church plant. We prayed and came together and had both come up with the exact same amount to give which would leave us with 1 month left of therapy money. 


We gave thousands to that church plant not knowing what it would mean for Jacob. I need to add that I only had enough faith for that very day. I made Cret send the money that night because I was afraid I’d change my mind the next morning and beg him not to. Actually I knew I’d change my mind. And so he did.


The very next day Cret got a phone call. God provided Cret a new job with full insurance coverage the next day out of blue…literally the next day. It still baffles me. He hadn’t even applied for a job!!! Jacob didn’t even miss a week of therapy because our insurance began covering it. Then friends and family and Taylor Swift bought our service dog. Then when that insurance stopped covering Jacob Cret got another job that covered his therapy…repeat repeat repeat. It wasn’t easy on him. He had jobs he loved that he had to leave BUT God worked it out and provided. 


Time and time again God has provided for us in ways we never could have imagined and never could attribute to our own doing. Sometimes it was just enough for the next year, but it was always enough. 


So when Cret told me he wanted me to have a new wedding ring, I purposely chose a deep red ring. A ring that would be different and serve as a reminder of Gods goodness to our family and something when someone noticed it and asked about it I could tell people the story of our family and how God has provided for us. 


I get to see a constant reminder to not lose faith and to remember God loves me. 


God is so good. He may not provide for you the way he has for us, but I know He loves you. I know he wants you to have a right relationship with him through Christ.


Life isn’t easy and sometimes it’s really lonely. But thank goodness we have a loving God who always comforts and provides in the ways we need it, even when we don’t realize what we need. I’m so thankful to God that He removed the blinders from my eyes and saved me. 


He loves you. He wants a relationship with you that is personal. ❤️

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Redefining Healing




Since our big move across the country, I've found myself praying more throughout the day than I have in a long time. I pray for my daughter, who remains in TX, so far away from us. I pray for my son Tyler to find friends and Jacob to have inspiring teachers who will help him grow and thrive. I pray for guidance about where we should attend church and for clarity in all the other details unfolding in our lives and our extended family's. 

This move has been overwhelming at times. Of course, as a special needs family, there are just so many details that we have to consider that affect our decisions. And in my usual fashion, I've found myself stressing out about Jacob's safety, who will take over when his RBT moves, is he learning enough through his curriculum, how can we help him to grow into more independence. My human nature is to always ALWAYS go back to desiring culture's definition of healing and happiness for him. I want God to heal him so that he can talk to us about his life, live a fully independent life and maybe one day have companionship the way neurotypical people do. These are all good things to desire and pray for, I know. But, focusing so much on where he lacks in ability and healing always pushes me away from where God has us now and how God could be using us now.

I'm reading a book that offers insight on how God uses weaknesses for His glory and it has brought this back to the forefront of my mind. God has created Jacob exactly as he would have him and knows every hair on his head and I believe wants what's best for him. The problem is, I think so many times what I want and think is best may not be what God wants and thinks is best. 

While I deeply desire Jacob's physical growth and healing, I recognize that our true need lies in spiritual healing. God's plans and purpose for Jacob's life may unfold in ways we don't expect. It usually does. Physical healing isn't always the ultimate intention. Spiritual healing of the lost is. 1 Peter 2:24 says, "He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." True healing is being made right with God and not living in separation from God, not physical restoration. 

As a special needs family, we find ourselves caught between the hopes we have for Jacob and the reality of their unique path. It's so easy to be consumed by worry and to measure progress against the world's ideas of success and happiness. Don't get me wrong, I think it's ok to have those feelings and hopes and prayers and bring them in front of God. But I am reminded today to ask Him to align our hopes and desires with His. I pray that God will give us new perspective on this journey out here in PA. 

I pray that if you find yourself grappling with the challenges that come with being a special needs family, you will bring those worries to the Lord and ask Him to align your will with His, so that you can have peace and joy in this journey (oftentimes despite the journey). If you don't have a relationship with Lord, I would love to talk with you. Please reach out. 

The Bible says that God is holy. That means that He is perfect. He has never sinned and will never sin. The Bible also says that man is not perfect. I've sinned and you've sinned, right? I've lied, you've lied. That's the big problem between God and man. The Bible says our sin literally cuts us off from God here in this life and forever after we die. The punishment for our sin is eternal separation from God.

But God didn't leave us there in our sin. That's why God sent Jesus, so we wouldn't be separated forever. He made a way for us to be reconciled to Him. Jesus lived a perfect and sinless life, he didn't deserve punishment, yet died on the cross to pay the punishment for our sin (past, present, and future) on our behalf. On the third day, He rose from the grave and conquered sin and death. 

If you believe in this truth and want to be in right relationship with God, all you need to do is recognize that you are a sinner in need of a savior, believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead on the third day to pay the punishment for your sins, and confess your sinfulness to God and repent (turn away) and ask God to be the God of your life. 

You can experience joy, hope, and real healing in this life and forevermore. I pray this for you today.




Friday, January 27, 2023

A Good Plan

 



Everyone loves a good plan. I know I sure do. I like to think of every single scenario and plan around each one. I like to research and google and then come up with a plan that honors God, is good for the kids, and makes us happy (as happy as possible considering the situation). I don’t know that I take each of those into account for every plan, but for big plans, that’s usually the case.

I’d say that most of the time we are more successful and productive when we make plans and follow through with them. So you’d better believe that I make plans for Jacob’s life…therapy, goals, future…as much as possible.  

The thing about that is that our plans are almost always thwarted. Every time I think to myself, “Hey, we are on the right track. Things are going well and moving forward”, something happens. Something that is not usually what we planned or what we wanted.

That happened yesterday. Things are moving forward with Jacob. He is nearing the end of what they think they can teach him at his clinic. They told me we have maybe a year before he needs to transition to the private school program that they have. They shadow kids in typical classes and then have a breakout class for the more challenging subjects. It is a pretty unique program. We enrolled Jacob into a homeschool coop to start learning how to work with neurotypical peers and listen to teachers to prepare him for this HUGE transition…this awesome plan for his life and growth. Things were going great.

However, in my one on one with his therapist I was shocked to learn that Jacob isn’t a candidate for the program anymore. All of this time they’ve been telling me that is the goal. That’s where he is headed. Now, due to his off-task behavior, low attending, and lower academic level, that isn’t an option. In hindsight, I should’ve seen this coming. A part of me wondered how he would do in that school, but I figured since the inclusion classes were just specials, he would be ok.

For those wondering, several BCBAs have told me that Jacob isn’t a good fit for public school yet either. It is a great option for some, but for kids like Jacob it would be bad. He learns at a very fast pace, but his speech limits him to learning in a very particular way. His behavior would suggest a class with a much lower academic level than he is capable of. It isn’t the first time a behavior analyst has told me that. I think we are up to 3 now. All say the same thing.

Back to square one. How do I make a plan for this kid? How do I make a plan knowing that it most likely won’t’ happen? After all, that’s been the case time and time again. And how do I not lose complete hope here? Having a plan equals success, right?

Each time this happens, I’m reminded that I have nowhere to go but to HIM. I can’t run to a plan, because the plans are all screwed up. Heck, there isn’t even a plan at all now.

Do you have some area in your life that is totally out of your control? The unknowns are always the hardest. Gosh, any challenge with your child is crushing, but especially those that you just have zero control of.

I was reading a poem from John Piper today that says:

                Not grace to bar what is not bliss,

                Nor flight from all distress, but this:

                The grace that orders our trouble and pain,

                And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain.

He explains that “Grace does not prevent pain, but orders it, arranges it, measures it, and then, in the darkness of it, sustains us.”

WOW. It’s so true. Through all the years and all the struggles and setbacks, God has sustained us and given us grace to stay obedient, trusting, and joyful despite it. What’s more is He draws us closer to Him in them and through them. I hope that one day I can reach a level of faith that when a struggle comes, I welcome it and don’t initially run to fear, knowing that God is just bringing us closer to Him. Maybe I’ll never reach that level, but what I can do is remember all the times that He has worked these unplanned trials out for our good, all the times He has surprised us with something better or even something more difficult that grew us. Looking back on that helps me to trust Him now.

I remember the time God sent Cret a job with insurance that covered ABA out of the blue when we only had 1 month of therapy money left. I remember that each time we lost insurance coverage after that, God opened a new door and it worked out. I remember the time we prayed for answers to Jacob’s elopement and then friends, family, and a superstar paid for his service dog. I remember the time a new clinic that we had really wanted Jacob to attend finally had an opening for Jacob and that month (after years and years) dropped their initial deposit from $10,000 to only $1,000. We enrolled him right away. That’s really just the tip of the iceberg. God has done some really amazing things for us in ways we really couldn’t imagine. He’s also shown us that when things didn’t work out as we’d hoped, we were ok because we had Him.

I may not have a plan now, but God always does. I am praying desperately to keep that at the forefront of my mind, that HE has a plan for our good and that it may not include answering my prayers the way I want them answered. But He is trustworthy. When things are easy, I’m not always desperately seeking. Maybe that’s why it isn’t easy so often. When will my stubborn brain learn?

I wonder how many times will I be right back at this point? Maybe a million, maybe a billion. But I would rather be desperately seeking Him then comfortable without Him.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

God has a purpose for our family and that obviously includes suffering and challenges. But God always shows up for us through it. Always.  

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Questions I Ask Myself Before We Go Somewhere as a Special Needs Family

 


I love this picture of Jordan. I love it because she is such a cool chick and her love for crawfish is strong. I love it because it was her 19th birthday. I love it because we went as a full family to someone's house and made it through the entire party. 

We don’t often go to friends' houses as a family. Well, truth be told we really never go to friend's houses as a family. I hate to say it, but it's mostly our own fault. Jacob struggles with going inside people’s homes. I'm not sure why. He is ok in restaurants and public spaces, but in someone’s home…not so much. His anxiety goes through the roof as he frantically runs from room to room opening doors and cabinets. We hold on to him, but the moment we let go, an escape is inevitable, and he always find his way into the master bedroom. It’s a full invasion of privacy. We’ve only had it happen a couple times and that was more than enough for us to know we never wanted to make friends uncomfortable like that again. So, we typically say no to those events. It’s made us feel very isolated. I know so many families that feel the same. IT IS HARD.

Recently, we had some friends invite us over for a crawfish boil. Instantly I started thinking of the things that could go wrong. What if he does something inappropriate…takes off his pants, makes loud noises at their kids, tries to run into their bedroom? How will I handle it and more importantly how will they? Or the big question…Will I be able to relax?  We often talk ourselves out of things because we know one of us will be chasing and stressing and not able to enjoy it. So, we cancel or we go separately and then I worry if that’s rude. But the biggest thing I wonder before we go somewhere is if they will accept our “normal”?  Ultimately, is this someone that we can trust?

It's important for us to know that we can trust their reactions to the unexpected. It’s important for us to trust that they will accept him and us, even after our type of “different” occurs. The problem with that was that we weren’t giving people a chance for a while. Maybe it’s a protective thing. I am wildly protective of our family. Maybe it’s a comfort thing, I don’t want my friends to be embarrassed and I don’t want our family to be embarrassed. Whatever it was, we would often say no.

I am so glad we said yes this time. I am thankful we gave it another chance. Cret and I had a pep talk in the van before we went in. I told him that I couldn’t believe we were trying this and I was scared it would be a disaster. He laughed and told me it probably would be, but we needed to try. The minute we walked in, Jacob began pulling me wanting to explore and for a split second, fear overcame me. However, I was able to calm him down and give him some motivation to relax.  It turned out to be a really fun time without many issues, although he did run into the master bedroom when I let my guard down. But guess what? Our friend was gracious and understanding.  Another friend came up to him and spoke to him in only a way that a disability family member would. She shared about a loved one close to her that had special needs. It made me feel so good.

I guess I just wanted to share this because it would’ve been so easy to say no or to make up an excuse, but I am so glad that we didn’t. I am glad that we trusted our friends and gave it a shot. We left and looked at each other with huge smiles. What a victory for our family! Sure, we had to bribe Jacob with a big toy, but he managed to stay pretty calm because he knew he was getting that toy. We all enjoyed a day at someone else’s house and God showed me that maybe it was time to start trusting people. I know there will be times where we are let down, but just like with anything in life it is worth trying again. The hard experiences only make the good ones so much sweeter.

Friend, if you are isolating due to the fear of rejection or embarrassment or unease, I encourage you to give it another shot and then give it another shot and then give it another shot after that. After Covid, I think all people can relate to how lonely and sad isolation feels. Friends are such a good gift from God. I pray you find the people you can trust with your family’s “normal”.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

PRIDE



I have a deep DEEP dislike for public speaking, group speaking, or any kind of non one-on-one speaking (with the exception of students). So as I was thinking about what to do a devotion on in front of my pastors in a few weeks, something kept coming up in my heart...

"WOW I AM PRIDEFUL"...I kept thinking


 My pride makes me feel terrified to speak in front of people for fear of looking foolish. Which I promise you…I should be really used to by now.  

 

I know everyone is familiar with pride and knows our pride comes in many forms and it’s something we all struggle with. As an enneagram 2, I can definitely say it’s my biggest struggle. But obviously it doesn’t just affect my personality type. None of us are immune to pride.

 

The Bible talks about how much God despises pride more times that I can count. But here are a few…

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

Galatians 6:3

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

1 Peter 5:5

 

My pride says, “I know better than God knows”.  Of course, that can look different to different people. It isn’t a matter of if we have pride, but where our pride exists, so I think it’s important to recognize it and to keep thinking about where hidden pride is in our lives, so we can put it to death…especially in those areas that maybe aren’t as obvious.  

 

So, I thought I would list 3 secret areas of pride in my life (if I had to list them all we would be here all day) and maybe you’ll recognize something in you that you need to give to God. 

 

First, for me pride can often hide itself within the mask of humility. People like me are people who would rather get a sharp stick in the eye then to share about God’s word in public when asked. Sometimes I like to just give the excuse of being shy, which I am. But that's not the only reason I don't want to speak in public or in front of people. It's not because I am ‘oh so humble’. It does make me happy to do things behind the scenes a lot , but many times I don’t’ like to do those things in public because I am so scared to look like a fool or to mess up. Sometimes that pride is crippling. As I prepare something to say in front of my Pastors, I will have to choose to lay down my pride and honestly that is terrifying. Would you pray for boldness when I do?

 

Second, there is the area of my prayer life. I know that my prayer life doesn’t always reflect someone that is looking to God for daily living and decision making. I realized that when I’m not praying all the time it’s a reflection of my hearts posture towards God.  Is my prayer life reflecting that I believe everything is in God’s control and under his sovereignty? I can’t say that it always does. When I am viewing God rightly, which is having full authority over me, my prayer life is way different. I can’t say that I have mastered that area in my life. Sometimes my pride is thinking I can handle life, especially the day to day without prayer.

  

Last, and I think the biggest area of pride in my life…the area that I have to surrender to the Lord over and over exists because of life situations that are really painful.  Marshall Segal once wrote, “Pain becomes proud because it believes no one else understands. No one feels what I feel. And so pain distances itself from anyone who might try and speak into its suffering.” 

 

I had a really difficult past. As I was learning about Jesus, I would tell myself that my sins were too great for forgiveness. My mistakes were greater than the other peoples at church, and no one could understand…not even God and therefore I couldn’t be forgiven. I thought my pain and my poor decisions were bigger than God’s salvation. Eventually, I humbled myself before God and believed that his death and resurrection was ALL I needed. Nothing I could do was out of His reach.  

 

Even after salvation I still struggle with pride. As a special needs mom, I can’t tell you how many times pride has crept into my life through pain.  Situations, at time feel hopeless, and instead of turning to the very creator of my child, instead of humbly trusting in Him…I turn to books, research, therapists, blogs, friends or even panic.  I worry and then I believe I have to work work work to help him, like it is at all in my control.  And what happens is every single time God shows me who is in control and it is NEVER me.  I waste all that precious time when I could’ve gone to my Father in prayer listening to what He had for me and for my family and trusted Him in faith. So personally, I have to fight my pride a lot. I am not perfect, but the Holy Spirit lives in me and helps me identify my desperate need for God.

 

In Luke 18:9-14 he writes that Jesus

…also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed[a] thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

 

And again in Matthew 23:12 says “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

Over and over the Bible shows that humility is the opposite of pride.

 

Humility is the weapon against pride. To me, that means actively pursue placing God above all else especially above myself.

 

I believe even people who’ve been saved for decades can find value in constantly remembering their salvation.  That we are desperate sinners incapable of saving ourselves. God is the only one who can do that. We need to remember God is sovereign over all things. God is sovereign over the things I am really good at and even the really painful things. And for those things I may be gifted with, well He is the giver of those gifts, too. 

 

The Bible says “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. 2 Corinthians 10:17-18 

Lord, help me to humbly serve you and love you.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

The UGLY side of autism

I don’t always talk about all the deep dark negatives that come with living the special needs life. I like to stay positive and think on the things of God...of HIS truth. Ultimately, that’s ALL that matters. But I do live in the world. And it can sure be hurtful. And sometimes it’s beneficial to share those things, right? 

I can’t speak to how it feels to be the target of racism. I never will. My skin color shields me from experiencing racism.  However, I can speak on what I know about discrimination. I know that disability has changed the way I view the world. I thank God for autism and I thank God for how disability has changed my family. I thank God that Jacob’s struggles allowed my eyes to be opened to prejudice. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts me that people don’t look at Jacob as their equal. But I am thankful to have a greater understanding of prejudices in this world. 

No, our situation is not nearly the same as what the black community is experiencing and I would NEVER imply that. But I’ve seen people avert their eyes when Jacob's acting odd more times than I can count. I’ve also seen people stare at us nearly everywhere we go. Ive heard whispers, not just from kids, but from adults. I’ve seen many, many moms pull their kids away from him. Add in the service dog and we are stared at like a freak show. 

It’s hard, y’all. Sometimes people look on us in fear, but usually just because we are odd. I’ve heard the rudest and most hurtful comments. I’ve felt judgements. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when he is making noises as a large male teen or adult. I’ve read articles of instances of police mistaking individuals with autism for people who are aggressive or non-compliant because they don't understand commands and harming them. I’ve heard of moms terrified about police encounters with their adult male children with autism. 

This is not even remotely compared to the amount of horrific racist encounters, but enough to absolutely terrify me. What if Jacob won’t comply? What’s if Jacob won’t answer questions? I can’t even prep him for that. And all of this pales in comparison to what the black community experiences and the racism they’ve endured for years. But do you know what it has shown me? It's shown me that Jacob is NOT considered equal in the eyes of most. People abort babies just because of disability because they feel they aren’t even worthy of life! It’s horribly sad. This doesn’t even touch on what the black community is experiencing. 

But,  I'm thankful for God opening my eyes to this world. I am thankful for God showing me the incredible value of Jacob's life and every single life of individuals with disabilities. How differences are something to celebrate, not to discriminate against.  I am thankful that is true for every race as well. 

All I have is one tiny voice and our tiny experiences, but I will speak up for those that are marginalized. And a lot of tiny voices add up to one BIG voice. I see how incredibly disgusting and wrong it is. Im thankful to God for opening my eyes to my biases and convicting me to my core. God reveal our racism and help us to love as you do! We are ALL created in Gods image.  

If you haven’t searched your heart yet, if you’re confused about all that is going on or if your heart is hardened to this because of riots or protests, I urge you to pray.  No, violence is NEVER the answer. The riots will end, by the grace of God, but the racism will continue.  

I beg and plead with you to ask God to reveal these biases to you so that you can repent and learn to love like Him! I ask you to share your disgust about racism publicly and stand up for truth in any way you can to be productive and helpful. Please speak with your children about racism, about differences, and about standing up for what's right. It's not an easy subject, but when you say nothing, it says a lot. Do not insight more anger and violence, but encourage people to love, respect, and unify together. 

What I know from my very small life is that God can create something new from something very broken. The old me is gone and I cannot give enough thanks to God for that.  God can give you a new heart, too.  A heart that sees things differently.  A heart that loves all of God's creation the way HE does.

'I once was lost, but now I am found.' To God be the glory. 

"My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory." James 2:1