In the words of my Pastor in a recent sermon, “Life is
stinkin’ hard."
One of the blessings of being in graduate school for
education is that almost all of my research papers can be tailored to things
that apply to me as a special needs mom.
Recently, I did research on caregiving and stress. Interestingly, caregiving is considered one
of the most severe chronic stresses.
It’s actually on the government’s radar as a health crisis often causing
heart issues. I went further and read
research into being an autism parent.
One article even went as far as to compare the stress of an autism
parent to that of a combat soldier. Now,
I would be very careful comparing my situation to that of someone whose life is
consistently on the line. However, for
some autism parents, I could see how this would be true. Their children are head-banging, self-mutilating,
wandering, non-verbal, and suffer from malnutrition or other eating disorders, gastrointestinal
problems and the list goes on.
It’s stinkin hard.
And it’s not just a childhood disorder. So often the media portrays autism as
something that only effects children. It
doesn’t. It is a disability that affects
the person their entire life.
So research affirms that caregiving causes intense stress. No one can deny it’s hard. No one can even understand how hard it is,
except those in the situation. So now
what? What do we do with this information?
From a science standpoint, the research was clear that our
minds effect our stress levels. Stress
was tested through interviews and blood work and guess what they found? People who had good coping skills, social
supports, and high self-efficacy (belief that you can be successful at helping
your loved one) had significantly less stress than those who felt helpless, who
coped through denial, substance abuse, or self-blame. One study compared people who attended
support groups to people who attended classes on communication and coping
skills. Stress levels were the same
before the educational classes for both groups, however, those who were taught
good coping skills and good communication had less stress than the ones who
only attended support groups in the follow-up assessments. This information shows that many of us could
very much benefit from learning good coping mechanisms and ways to feel confident
in helping our loved ones. I will put
resources below if you’d like to look at the research.
But that research led me to something much deeper than that
which can be explained through science. Sure
we can educate ourselves and feel confident about helping our loved ones, but
then what? What if we are trying our best, but our best is leaving us worn out,
stressed, or even depressed?
What if it’s still stinkin hard? Where do we turn?
God has commissioned us as His followers to be disciples and
share the Gospel with non-believers. He
has given us grace sufficient to heal our pain and crush temporary
hardships. He promises us that if we surrender to Him, He will be with us
through every trial. The best news of all is that when we die, we will be able to live forever with Him in eternity with no more pain, no more struggling, forever at peace. That future
hope can bring a peace that nothing else can.
I used to wonder if my hardships had anything to do with the
Gospel. Do you ever wonder how you can
live your life on mission for Christ? Can we even do that if we aren’t
missionaries being thrown in jail for the Gospel? How can raising a child with autism, one who
can’t speak, who needs attention at every moment, how can any of this have to
do with the Gospel? But I realized it
can and it does. God has called His
children into unique life circumstances in which they can be bold for Christ
and show the world that through His grace, those hardships can be endured with
joy and hope and freedom from depression.
The outside world can look into our lives and see something that cannot
be explained except through Christ. That
example is living our lives in order to point people to the Gospel. It can also be an excellent catalyst for us
to share the Gospel verbally with unbelievers when they ask us about the hope
that is in us.
Jesus Christ came into this world to pay the punishment of death
for sin, sin separates us from a perfect (sinless) God. Jesus lived a perfect life and didn’t deserve
punishment for sin, but died on our behalf because He loves us. Through His death, burial and
resurrection he conquered sin and death so that if we believe and surrender our
lives to Jesus we can be reconciled to God through His sacrifice.
When we place our faith in Jesus, the God that created the
world, the God that overcame sin, the God that is in total control is living
within us. Through the Holy Spirit we can be used for God’s glory.
When we choose to rely on God through our sufferings, God
always renews us and His strength in you will restore you. When we are self-reliant, hoping that we have
the strength to conquer each new obstacle, we will always be let down because a
new struggle is always waiting right around the corner. This is often when
people turn to alcohol, victim-like behavior, or depression.
As believers, we need to be STRONG for God and through
God. We need to struggle well. That doesn’t mean it won’t be hard and that
doesn’t mean that we won’t struggle. It
most certainly WILL be hard, but as Christians, let’s struggle with hope and
joy knowing that we are hand selected by God to go through this difficult time
in order to point others to Jesus Christ.
I know that for me personally, when I hold tight to Jacob’s
accomplishments and successes at the clinic, no sooner am I saddened by some
new trial that has come up. I can’t look
to his achievements for real joy, though I can absolutely celebrate when they
occur. But if that is my only sense of joy, then not only in the world of
autism ups and downs will I often be let down, but Jacob will see me let down
and my life will be a rollercoaster.
I have to hold tight to my Creator and not His creation for
real joy, purpose, and life. I have to
worship my God and find my peace in Him so that my family, my friends and those
around me can see a joy that surpasses circumstance.
2 Timothy 2:8-13
Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of
David, as preached in my gospel, for
which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal. But the word of God is
not bound! Therefore I endure everything
for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in
Christ Jesus with eternal glory. The saying is trustworthy, for:
If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we
endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if
we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself.
If you don’t have a relationship with the Lord or hope like
this and you want to surrender your life to the Jesus Christ or know more
please email me so we can talk.
Much of what I have written was directly from one of my
Pastor’s sermons that really spoke to me.
I would love for you to watch it.
Click here
to listen.
Gouin,
J., Estrela, C., Desmarais, K., & Barker, E. T. (2016). The impact of
formal and informal support on health in the context of caregiving stress.
Family Relations, 65(1), 191-206. doi:10.1111/fare.12183
Mausbach,
B. T., Roepke, S. K., Ziegler, M. G., Milic, M., von Känel, R., Dimsdale, J.
E.. . Grant, I. (2010). Association between chronic caregiving stress and
impaired endothelial function in the elderly. Journal of the American
College of Cardiology, 55(23), 2599-2606. doi:10.1016/j.jacc.2009.11.093
Merluzzi, T. V., Philip, E. J., Vachon, D. O., &
Heitzmann, C. A. (2011). Assessment of self-efficacy for caregiving: The
critical role of self-care in caregiver stress and burden. Palliative &
Supportive Care, 9(1), 15-24.
doi:http://dx.doi.org.proxy.bsu.edu/10.1017/S1478951510000507
