FIRST WORD!!

Jacob is finally starting to really increase his babbling and is even echoing what he hears from us.  He repeats E-I-E-I-O by singing "E-I-E-I-uh" its so cute.  He has been babbling dada for a while and also sings along to the Talking Words Factory by singing "uh-uh-eeeeeeeee" when they sing factory.  Today, however, he clearly said "IN" when his speech therapist was having him put puzzle pieces in a bag and she was saying "IN" to him.  When I told the doctor that Jacob would say dada when we said it she said it didn't count as a word because he wasn't actually using the word about his dada.  This may just be echolalic speech, but since he was in fact putting something in, I am choosing to call it his first word!!!!!!!!!!!  Woo hoo.  I can't tell you how much I love this sweet lil guy.  I downloaded his singing on YouTube.  If you would like to see it please go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE43JUYRRCk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Jacob's ABA therapist will start working with him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday each week for an hour and a half each time beginning next week. I am totally excited for that to start.  She will come to our home and help him with behaviors, speech, concentration, etc.  I will post blog updates as he grows and learns new things. 

Jacob has gotten a new coach at church.  She has worked with autistic kids before in the school system and seems AMAZING.  Jacob has been doing really well in his new age appropriate class at church and I am so thankful for that.  If it weren't for the class going outside (where he tends to eat rocks and fall off the jungle gym) I don't know that he would need a coach.  They are saying that he is doing most of what the other kids are doing, however, I know that he isn't listening or understanding anything because he doesn't understand most commands or communication except simple "no" or "come here".  I think he will show his true colors a bit more when they start expecting more from him, such as to sit down at a table for a while or listen to a lesson without getting up.  He just isn't capable of those things yet, but I am hopeful that he will be soon.  I just can't explain how thankful I am for my church.  This year they have begun a coaching program for the special needs kids and I am just so thankful that they are willing to meet the needs of all their members.  It is so nice to feel so loved by my church family.  If you aren't involved in a church I really encourage you to find one in your community.  Being a parent of a special needs child is so difficult.   I can't stress enough how having a strong support system grounded in Christ is just what we as parents need.  I love the constant encouragement to stay in the Word, stay focused on what really matters and just people who genuinely care about our well-being.  This past Sunday, I had a friend come up to me and hand me this super cute Autism Speaks notebook just to show me she was thinking about me.  I don't think she even realizes what an encouragement that is. It is so nice to be able to serve God by serving others at the same time.  Its just nice to keep my focus on HIM.   I am so so thankful for my church. 

Meanwhile, I have started school myself.  I am enrolled in the Applied Behavior Analysis program at Ball State University working towards my Masters degree.  Many people in my classes are professionals and have been working with kids with autism so I find myself at a disadvantage in some areas, but being a mom of an autistic child has helped me in other ways.  For instance, every single book I read and all the information I learn is to help my child and therefore I am not simply studying to pass, I am studying to truly learn.  This has been great for me because I have aced all my tests and essays so far! Yippie.  It has been challenging to juggle all my responsibilities.  Between my family, homeschooling, my school, Jacobs therapy, Church service and Bible Studies, I definitely have my hands full, but I am really excited about this year and ready to take it all on.  Everyone keeps asking me how I am going to do it and I just have to say that God gives me the strength to do what I need to do.  I have prayed about where to step down, where to step up and I feel like I have a good balance of things in my schedule with my priorities still where they need to be.  My studying mostly takes place in the middle of the night while the family is sleeping.  I am a night owl so it works.  People have also inquired about what I plan to do with my degree.  I am not getting educated to make a career of it, I am getting this education to be the best mom I can be to my son.  I don't think its a necessity for a mom of a child with autism, but since I was reading every book I possibly could anyways then it seemed appropriate to go ahead and learn from professionals and from research.  What do I plan on doing with my education?  For now, my plans are to just keep learning until I know how to teach and train Jacob.  After my kids are older, I would really like to train other parents to do therapy for their children.  I would especially like to help families with lower incomes or that do not have insurance coverage.  A typical ABA therapist makes anywhere from $80-$220 per hour.  Not a lot of people can pay for that type of therapy or training, especially since research reccomends 30-40 hours per week of ABA.  I just hope I can help other parents to teach their own children so they aren't driven into poverty due to these fees, or just left helpless.  Those are my goals.  Please pray for our family as we have so much on our plate this year.  Please continue to pray for Jacob's development.  I sure would love to hear him say "mommy" or some sort of communication that is purposeful by the time he turns 3.  I think I want that to be a goal we focus on in therapy. 

BIG HUGE thanks to all that donated and participated in the fundraiser and raffle I had.  I am so thankful for the outpouring of love and support we are receiving.  God is so so good! We are still planning on doing some other fundraisers at the local grocery store and if you feel like donating directly to autism speaks please visit www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/houston/rejoiceforjacob
 

Tongue tie release



 These are pics from the hospital while we were waiting for surgery and when they were taking Jacobs vitals.  He wasn't nervous because he had no idea what was about to happen. 

These pictures were from immediately following the procedure in recovery.  He was in some pain and confused from the anesthesia.  He had a hard time adjusting to the feeling of the stitches in his mouth.  This was not something I was prepared for.  I knew there would be a little pain, but Jacob refused to eat, drink, or swallow for 2 days because of the stitches.  We had to use a syringe to force fluids in him to keep him hydrated.  After the third day he was so hungry he finally started eating again. 

This is the way he hung his tongue out for 2 full days.  He was drooling all over himself like crazy. It was pretty funny.  I am so thankful for a successful surgery and for the prayers from everyone. It has now been a few weeks since the surgery and we are surprised to see that he has started making new sounds such as the "g" sound and the "k" sound a few times.  He seems to be babbling a lot more.  I am so excited that the surgery was helpful. For those moms out there that are considering it, please take note that if your child has serious texture issues, this will likely cause a problem because of the stitches.  If you can work through those issues, it'll be worth it most likely.   It was well worth it for us. 

While we were in the hospital we met another family who had come to Texas Children's Hospital all the way from Australia.  The doctors came to speak with the family in front of everyone in the waiting room so I couldn't help but to overhear that the 6 year old girl, Morgan, had a large tumor in her chest.  Her chemotherapy hadn't worked and this was the only doctor that would operate on her tumor due to the location of it near the spine. As they spoke, I grabbed my husbands hand and asked him to pray.  He thought I was asking him to pray for Jacob so after he prayed I started praying for Morgan.   As they came to take Morgan away she rushed back to her mom and grabbed her legs crying.  Her strong mom held it together as her dad pulled her off and took her back with the surgeons.  It was as if I was watching the most heart wrenching movie in the whole world, but it wasn't a movie.  It was real.  I was there experiencing the saddest thing I had ever seen.  I fell apart crying.  I asked the mom a few questions just to try to get her spirits up, but soon afterwards our doctor walked up to talk about Jacob.  He was speaking softly and with hesitation as he went over all the risks of the surgery with me because he could see that I had been crying.  I told him that I wasn't crying about Jacob's procedure, but for the family that had just sent their baby girl into a 12 hour surgery to remove a tumor.  He changed his tone and reminded me that this is a time to count our blessings.  It amazes  me how God can speak to me through situations like this. Sometimes, especially right before a surgery,  I can get so wrapped up in Jacob and autism that I fail to see the bigger picture.  Don't we all get so wrapped up in our own bubbles sometimes that we have a hard time taking the focus off ourselves?   Morgan's mom had walked off in the middle of our conversation with the doctor and immediately after we signed all the papers and were waiting for Jacob to be taken back Cret turned to me and said,"Allison, you didn't pray with her!" I was so emotional that I didn't stop to ask her if I could pray with her.  She was all this way from home and all I did was just ask her a few questions.  I kept thinking about them.  I kept thinking about how if my child were in such a situation that the only possible peace that I could have through it all was in Jesus. I looked in the waiting room and they weren't there.  I figured that I may not see them again because that surgery was all day and Jacob's was only 30 minutes.  I told Cret that I needed to go get Morgan a gift and share my heart in a letter to her parents and find a way to get it to them.  I knew if it were a packaged gift maybe one of the nurses would pass it on to them later that evening.  While Jacob was in recovery I left him.  Yes, I was the only parent to actually leave their child in recovery, granted Cret was there, but I am sure it still seemed odd for me to leave.  I went back to waiting room where I had met them and a nurse took me to the waiting room where the parents were.  I was so extremely happy to be able to see them in person and hug them and tell them that we were praying for them.  I received an email a few days later from Claire, Morgans mom, stating that the surgery went well.  It was 12 hours and they were able to remove 50 % of the tumor.  I am so happy the Lord put us there to be able to pray for them. I feel like God was showing me that He is in control of every situation.  I always pray for God to keep giving me the proper perspective.  I say it over and over and am constantly in awe of how God does it.   I am truly thankful that the Lord was showing me that these children belong to Him.  All the worry I had for Jacob's surgery was for nothing.   For one, I should have been thanking God for a hospital that is world renown right here in our backyard.  Also, I was concerned about a little tongue clipping while another family was sending their daughter into surgery for a tumor.  I am so thankful that both surgeries were a success. To God be all the glory.  Please please continue to pray for Morgan and her family as she continues to recover. 

Jordan's poem

Hi everyone.  If you are girl and you know me, then you should have received an invitation to my fundraiser party by now.  We have been working hard to try and raise money for research and while I have been planning away, Jordan has been writing a poem about Jacob.  She said she wrote this originally to be a song, but she couldn't think of a tune so now its a poem.  She wants to help raise money for the walk.  Please watch her youtube video below

http://youtu.be/281kwiA2Npc

If you'd like to donate money for the walk please visit www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/houston/rejoiceforjacob

If you'd like to come to the fundraiser please email for details. 

A little sad.

Life has been a bit crazy since this past weekend.  Our dog was attacked by a stray cat in front of my daughter and it was a bloody mess.  To make matters worse I gave my dog a teaspoon of children's ibuprofen, remembering that you can give a dog pain meds, only to find out that ibuprofen is toxic to dogs.  Then Tyler got a bad sinus infection, Jacob found out how to remove the padding from his pack n play and put it over his head while laying on one skinny bar.  Now we are trying to get him to sleep in a toddler bed, which isn't working so he is screaming and roaming around the room all day for nap time and during the night there is no telling what he is doing.

When Jacob was diagnosed with autism I had no idea how much his autism would change my life.  Its changes the way I parent, how our family makes plans and who we hang out with, and even how I feel.  I have the thing that most parents dread... A child who is special needs.  My hopes for my child are different because of his special needs.  My hopes for all my children are different.  As I heard in a recent movie (paraphrased) "All the hopes and dreams of normal parents are out the window when you have a child with autism.  You no longer care if they go to college or marry a rich person, you just want them to be able to cross the street safely."  This couldn't be more true, but also pertains to my other children.  I want them to love the Lord and to be happy.  I am so thankful for their abilities, but all the normal worldly expectations just don't seem quite as important.  It has been a struggle for me, though.  While I am trying to accept Jacob just as he is, I am also having to deal with behaviors that are strange and hard and all that comes with having a child with autism.  Most recently, its been the challenge of balancing Jacobs extremely demanding needs with my other 3 year old's needs, my daughters needs and homeschooling, church functions, my marriage, and most importantly my relationship with Jesus.  I have to balance all of these things while trying to figure out the most effective therapies and food diets, educating myself on how to control Jacob's behaviors and possibly get him to communicate, debating getting a job in order to get insurance for him and trying to decide if that is choosing him over my other kids.  My dreams of carefree parenting are gone.  Just the other day I was talking to my sweet sister about taking the kids to the pool.  She said that it is so much easier with her 4 kids now that they can all be on their own at the pool.  I sat there in that moment and wondered if we will ever have a carefree vacation or pool outing.  Probably not.  That's ok, though.  In those moments that Jacob smiles at me and in those moments that he pulls my finger and takes me to what he wants, I know with everything in me that its all worth it.  This life isn't supposed to be all about me.  Its supposed to be all about bringing glory to God.  I hope that I can do that in many ways, but one way that I want to glorify him is in parenting my children.  I pray that in weeks like this I can keep proper perspective.  Today, I was reading in a book that I bought on parenting children with autism that Dr. Marion O' Brien, professor of human development and family studies at the University of North Carolina, has studied autism mothers and in her research found that depression is extremely prominent.  She attributed the depression to "ambiguous loss", whereby a mother is feeling massive shapeless grief about their child's disorder.  While many psychologists suggest the depression is a phase of the grieving process, she believes it isn't so simple because the child has not passed away.  It is grieving the child that you thought you had or would have (Senator, Susan. The Autism Mom's Survival Guide).  While reading this I could clearly see how this is true.  I did and do still go through a grieving process.  The difference is that it doesn't become a depression, just a little sadness.  There is still joy in my heart because I trust the sovereignty of the Lord in all things.  I thank the Lord for this joy despite circumstances.  However, I write this because this week, particularly today, I have been feeling a little bit sad.  I am still trying to just accept Jacob and love him for him, but meanwhile going through all this therapy and trying to make his behaviors better.  Its a little confusing for me.  I think I need some friend time or something.  One great thing I did read in the book was that the author asked a women how she stayed so incredibly happy throughout her son's extremely severe autism.  She answered, "Its not cancer."  At the same time her son was diagnosed with autism her friends son was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  She said that while they had much in common with their sons extreme behavior and emotions and the toll on them as mothers, her son was healthy.  Autism is not tragic and it is not the end.  These kids are not broken.  I have to keep remembering that.  It isn't my job to fix him.  Its my job to accept him and try to make life easier for him.  So I encourage you to do the same.  One day at a time.  Ask for help when you need it.  Your baby is a precious gift from God that He hand selected to be special and given to you.  You do not have to live in depression.  Give it to the Lord and trust His plan for you and your family and your child.  You are not alone.

I ask for prayers this next week as Jacob will be having surgery on his tongue August 1st.  Please pray that I can somehow keep him healthy until then and that the surgery is a success.  Thank you for your prayers.

A MIRACLE!!!

Its funny how God works sometimes.  You can be running in one direction, the direction you think you are supposed to be going in, and He stops you dead in your tracks...And I mean slams the door, shuts the window and says NO!  Well, thats what happened to me today and I must say it was a miracle.  Today God sent me someone who will forever change my life. 

A dear friend of mine from church set me up on what I called a blind friend date.  It was a woman she is good friends with, who has a 22 year old son with autism.  I didn't know what we'd talk about on our friend date, but I was so excited to hear from someone who had been there and done that and who might have some wisdom to share.  In all honesty, I thought maybe I'd get even more recharged to keep fighting and fighting for Jacob and hoping and praying for him to be "normal".  Well, she began to share her journey and she was explaining how in the beginning she would take her son out in public or to resaurants and always feel like she had to appologize for his behavior or that she needed to explain why he was acting the way he was acting, until she finally realized that she didn't owe anyone an explanation.  God had made him perfect just the way he was.  I then went on to ask her how she balanced hoping that he would become "typical" or "normal" with being at peace with his autism.  That's when she shared something with me that I will never forget.  She said that when her son was in middle school she felt so burdened with the thoughts and prayers for her son to be healed or to become normal.  She felt chains holding her to that anxiety and worry or the hope of him changing.  One night God gave her a vision in a dream.  She said she woke up hysterically crying and crying and immediately wrote down her dream so that she would never forget.  Her dream changed her life and will forever change mine.  Now I didn't write it down as she told me but here is my paraphrase as well as I can remember....She dreamed that her special needs son was a "normal" teenage boy.  She was in the kitchen cooking or cleaning and he walked through the room and said,"Hey Mom" in the typical teenage son kind of way with attitude and just went on with what he was doing and was out the door.  She remembers in her dream thinking that he was so different, their relationship was so different.  It was a nightmare.  She no longer had the son that she knew to be hers.  They didn't have the close relationship she had with him in real life.  She woke up from the nightmare crying because she knew God had just shown her "See this is the son you've been praying for, the "normal" son you've wanted so much.  Do you want him or the son that I have given you?"  She knew in that moment that God had given her the perfect son that she wanted. 

You see, no one can explain the bond you make with a special needs child.  No one can understand that relationship until you have it.  The son she thought she wanted was not the son she wanted at all.  God knew what he was doing.  She immediately felt those chains released.  She immediately felt so thankful for her son and everything that her son was. 

WOW. WOW.  You know, here I have been praying for a "normal" son and worrying about if I am doing enough to make him "normal" and I haven't stopped to thank God for Jacob and who he is now without wishing him to be different.  Its like I have been worrying that if I accept him the way he is and if I let go of the worry of him not healing that maybe then God won't heal him.  That's the amazing thing, though.  My wishing for him to be "normal" won't make him "normal".  Actually, if he stays autistic forever, it'll only bring deep heartache.  Additionally, my feelings don't change what God is ultimately in control of.  My feelings will only change my heart and my relationship with my Savior, Jesus.  I need to be thankful and so happy with Jacob as my autistic son.  Just as my friend said to me, I want to be able to tell God that I don't want Jacob to change.  If God chooses to change him then I can be thankful for what God does, but Jacob is perfect the way God has created him.  What's more is that I have been afraid that accepting this diagnosis means giving up.  That isn't further from the truth.  Accepting his autism means loving him for who he is and working to make him be able to function the best he can.  I can fight for autism coverage.  I can walk in the Autism Walk for research and I can try to do my very best in therapy, but all while being at peace with the way that God has created Jacob. 

This whole thing reminded me of the woman's retreat my church had a while back.  Let me tell you that I was not too excited to go to the retreat because we were moving out of our house THAT weekend.  I was stressed to leave my family and go and in fact I think that made me a little unattentive at the retreat.  But one thing we did there was that we had all picked up some stones.  These stones represented things in our life that we were hanging on to that we weren't giving to God.  At the end of the retreat we were to lay them down as if giving them to God.  I did lay all of my stones down, not as a lie, but I just really wasn't into the whole thing.  I remember my Mom asking me if I really had laid it down and given it to God.  I knew she meant Jacob.  I said yes and she cried a little, but it wasn't a happy cry.  She was sad.  She knew I hadn't laid my stone down, really.  Well to all the women that were there, I have picked up another stone as a symbol of Jacob.  I don't think I am quite ready to lay it down completely.  I want to say that I am and I want to lay the stone down, but this time I am taking this very seriously and I am not going to lie for the sake of sounding good.  I am going to deeply pray and ask God to release me from this and I am going to try my hardest to let go and be thankful for the Jacob that I have, even if it means that this Jacob will always be autistic or even non-verbal.  I will rejoice when he makes steps forward, but I will not be dissappointed or compare him to other children who have overcome autism. 

And as for this lady, she has 2 sons.  One is autistic and one is "typical".  She doesn't want or pray for her normal son to be autistic anymore than praying or desiring her autistic son to be normal.  What a great place to be....to be happy, content, and thankful for the perfect children God blessed her with.  Thats what I desire.  She knows that the close bond that she has with her special needs son wouldn't be there if he weren't special needs.  She is thankful for the children God gave her.  This idea sounds so simple, but let me tell you there is nothing like having a child with special needs.  The unique thing about autism is that some kids totally reverse back to normal and some don't.  Without that true faith in Gods sovereignty it can be harder to handle than I can even describe.  I have been living with constant fear or worry that I am not doing enough for Jacob to pull him out of his autism.  That fear and worry has become my chains around my wrists.  I want so deeply to lose these chains and let go...to trust God with Jacob and just do the best I can for today without worry of the future.  I am so thankful for this new perspective and for God sending me this lovely woman to share her journey with me. 

Fighting for him

Today I was babysitting a few kids and while they napped for a couple hours I read a book, yes an entire book.  It's called "Louder than Words" by Jenny McCarthy.  I am not a big fan of Jenny, we differ in more ways than one.  For instance....our lifestyles, religion, basically everything except that we both have children with autism, but for some reason I couldn't put the book down.  I guess I just needed to read about another mom's journey of confusion, frustration, anger, fighting so desperately for answers and to "fix" her child's autism.  Its crazy, but its so interesting to read about the different stages people go through.  One line that really hit me was "When your child is diagnosed with cancer, neighbors stop by your home bringing precooked meals, hugs, and support.  When your child is diagnosed with autism, families who see you in the supermarket will slip away down another aisle."  Its so true.  Obviously, I understand why you would comfort and aid a family with someone diagnosed with cancer, but often I wonder why some people avoid talking to me about Jacob like he has the plague.  That's how I have been feeling lately.  Its hard.  I want to be able to talk about it and cry sometimes, but I am supposed to just be okay with it by now.  Am I questioning why this is happening to me or angry at the world? NO.  But I still hurt for him.  I want him to be healthy and "typical".   I feel like I am in limbo right now, not that I don't want to do more for Jacob, but I am limited to what I can do because of insurance and money.  If anything this book is just what I needed to kick my butt back into FIGHT mode.  I just can't accept that there are no answers for him.  I know part of me must accept that he is different, but on the other hand I have to fight for him and keep seeking answers.  Jenny mentions a lot in her book about DAN! (defeat autism now) doctors.  Some of the techniques that they use are widely regarded as quack medicine by pediatricians so I have been reluctant to go to one, plus they cost a fortune.  I think I will look into it, though,  and just take Jacob to get some basic testing.  I have read a lot of research regarding yeast and heavy metal toxins and autism so it wouldn't hurt to have him tested. 

Today was especially hard for me and I think this book came just at the right time.  Instead of feeling sorry for him, I need to be his advocate and be strong for him.  For nearly 45 minutes today he frantically threw himself all over the floor, stretching out his arms and legs like he was so uncomfortable and just screaming and crying.  We tried snuggling, burping, changing, feeding, tv, everything, yet nothing would console him.  In that moment I just wished for a word.  I wished he could tell me what was hurting or what he wanted.  It was a cry as if in pain and not his temper cries and that was the hard thing for me.  "I don't know what you want, baby" I kept saying. "I'm sorry, buddy. I'm so sorry."  I would give anything to just know how to help him. 

Jacob turned 2 last week.  We had a super fun party and he did excellent.  No tears when we sang, and he played and splashed around in the water.  It was perfect.  His 2 year checkup wasn't as bad as expected.  Yes I had to fill out the crazy survey which showed that Jacob was obviously so far behind on every single question, but I was ready for it and I just breezed through.  One strange thing I wanted to document in case I want to remember in the future was that the doctor mentioned Jacob had dropped to the 1% for height and had just gotten in his 1 year molars.  I asked if his size and teeth issues were typical for autism and she said no.  He may just be a little guy.  He's my sweet little guy. 

He made a huge breakthrough in his picture exchange communication system.  We finally found a few games (putting bears in a tub and then spilling them out and straws in a bottle and spilling them out) that he loved enough to start pushing the "go" PEC for me to spill the items back out on the floor for him.  It literally makes me want to cry every time he pushes it.  HE IS COMMUNICATING!! Its only a matter of time before he can tell me more with his pictures and I can't wait.  He also has become fixated on the cabinet door hinges.  He opens the doors and just stares at them as if he is trying to figure out what makes the door work.  Its pretty cute, but I have to limit it or he would stare at the door all day. 

We tried Jacob in the 2 year old class in Sunday school this past weekend and of course he is not ready for it without a coach.  My husband thought maybe he would be okay, but I knew he wasn't ready.  When the teachers call the kids to line up or come listen to the lesson Jacob just has a blank look on his face as if they are speaking a foreign language.  He also had a huge rock from the playground in his mouth that luckily I saw and ripped out of his mouth before he tried to swallow it.  He just has no idea yet, but I have faith that he will.  My plan for this summer is to try and stay really concentrated on Jacob's therapy and get him into a DAN! doctor when we can.  Please pray that we find a good doctor who won't try to sell us on lots of pills and junk we don't really need.  I just need an honest doctor to run tests and help us with some answers.  I am so thankful to be recharged and ready to keep fighting for my little guy.  He is so precious. 

Thankful for a new sound

 Jacob occasionally babbles a variety of sounds, but for the last few months he would only say about 4 sounds when we ask him to...."dada (with no meaning behind it), u, a, and mumble the tune to uh oh.  Today its official!! We have another sound. He is saying "y"! Yippie for Jacob and progress.  I am so thankful for another sound.  I can't wait until he can say a word or two!

Recently, Jakey has discovered how to take off his pj pants and diaper, so every 20 minutes I find him running around naked.... Not thrilled.  He seems to be gaining weight finally.  He eats a lot and loves pizza, yogurt, and chicken.  He is becoming more and more irritable if you try to make him do things he doesn't want to do, such as therapy.  This seems to be appropriate for his age.  Can't wait for his birthday on the 22nd!

We have his 2 year check up on his birthday and will have a super fun party on the 23rd!! Thinking we may skip the singing this year, though, since last year he cried and cried when everyone sang for him.  Maybe we will all say happy birthday really quietly.  Its his special day, so we can do something especially for him.  Love my sweet boy.