We were supposed to have Jacob's birthday party last weekend, but had to cancel it because everyone was sick. So today on his birthday we had some people over. There were only about 5 of us and when we sang happy birthday he screamed and cried. Its so sad. I don't quite understand why autistic kids have these major hearing issues. There, I said it. I think Jacob is autistic. Actually I know in my gut that he is. Cret doesn't think so, or maybe he is just trying to stay positive... But what a precious blessing he is to me. I love his challenges. I feel like they're making me a better mom. I am so much more aware of what the really important things in life are. I am loving and appreciating everything that my kids do and say. On that note...Jacob got his first tooth a couple days before his birthday. Its so cute. What wasn't cute was the fever, throwing up and crying that preceeded it. But it made its debut at the party and made him that much cuter. Everyone hugged and kissed him and wished him a happy birthday. Anyways, it wasn't the normal birthday party, but it worked for us.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1-2
God sent His son to die for me. Many times I have reflected on my own salvation and questioned if I could do the same. Would I still honor and love God if he chose to take Jacob in order to glorify Him? I have to trust that God knows what is best for my life, for Jakey's life, and for His glory. I have decided that I am putting Jacob in Gods hands. If God wants to heal Jacob then He will. I have so many people telling me that Jacob is ok. Maybe I am just being paranoid. Either way I am committing to pray for Jacob every day, all day. More importantly I am going to try and have a thankful heart rather than a sad, discouraged, anxious heart. I know I will fall short and worry, but I am going to keep reminding myself that God is in control. As much as I love Jacob, God loves me and Jacob a million times more and in a more perfect way. If God wants Jacob to be autistic then its for a reason. I will embrace it. I will, however, remain hopeful that he is just a little slow. I guess we will have to see, but in the meantime I am making sure he is getting his therapy and keeping track of his milestones. He still isn't meeting most milestones, but hopefully he will catch up. Eci has been coming for about a month. We have seen some improvements in his weight, but not many in his development. I love love this boy.