Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Jacob's future

Jacob has been pretty sick lately, on and off for weeks and weeks now.  I think it must be allergies even though Claritin isn't giving him much relief.  We are only a few weeks away from beginning my training in ABA therapy so that I can start helping Jacob more.  I am so excited that I will finally have directions and guidelines to follow that are strict and precise.  Lately, I have been seeing some decline in his attentiveness.  Its scary.  I want to only see him growing and getting better.  I can't help but to wonder if I am doing something wrong or not enough.  Honestly, that is not something I say lightly, I truly, with all of my heart, question myself daily.  He still has no words and no communication whatsoever, well besides screaming or reaching.  We are consistently signing the basics like milk, more, and bye bye but he won't sign anything.    He has seemed to really slow down on the carpet eating.  As far as behaviors, he still stands on his head and spins a lot.  He has begun a new obsession with coat hangers and sitting in baskets.  The child can not pass a coat hanger without completely freaking out.  In fact, this picture was from the other day when I was searching around for him and found him completely silent in this clothes basket in my room.  LOL He has about 5 new teeth.  They all decided to come at once, which was so much fun.  Haha.  He is waking up a lot in the middle of the night still.

 Fortunately, one of my friend's moms (from elementary school) purchased Jacob a weighted blanket and lap pad.  This couldn't have come at a better time and I am still in awe that the Lord put it upon her to help us out like that.  He loves his blanket and is still getting used to it and we have just received the lap pad and plan on trying it soon.  I still haven't figured out the proper way to thank them for those items.  How can you, ya know?

A friend sent me a link with some Bible verses in it and this one kind of made me think...

 Train up a child in the way he should go;
  even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

Until recently, this verse was simple to me. Raise my children to know the Lord and when they are all grown up, even if they stray a little, they will always come back to Jesus. I think most Christian women see this verse and seek to raise their children to know the Lord.  Its a simple promise, yet a vitally important one. 

However,  with Jacob I still find myself wondering how can I be the best mom that I can be for him? What therapies should we try and what diets might help him? I was not prepared to be a mom of a special needs child.  At times I feel helpless and I feel like I can not give Jacob what he needs.  Just two days ago when my husband took Tyler and Jordan out and I was left with Jacob, I started trying to play with him and doing some therapy type playing and he just wasn't having it.   He was violently throwing himself all around, wouldn't sit still, wouldn't look at me in the eyes.  It was frustrating and then devastating.  I was crying my eyes out by the time my husband got home.  Its a haunting feeling to have a child with special needs sometimes.  Does that sound weird?  I guess I mean that you ALWAYS think about it when you are with them and most of time even when you aren't with them.  It's always a lingering thought in the back of your head.  Somedays more than others, but its hard.  Its really hard to not be able to "fix" them.  To constantly be scared that you are not giving them what they need.  I guess I forgot that this Bible verse applies to Jacob, too.

As I pursue God's will for me and for my family I come across this verse again. This verse is a promise from my Heavenly Father. This verse tells me exactly what I need to focus on in raising ALL of my children. Train my children in the way they should go and they will not turn from it. God makes no mistakes. When this was written, this was written for my family, too. My purpose in parenting is to teach my children about the love and sacrifice given through Jesus Christ on the cross. I am to teach them about their role in glorifying God's kingdom. In the end, do I want to have the smartest, most successful child in the world or a child who loves and fears God in Heaven and a child who can have unimaginable peace and joy even through the hardest struggles?  Of course everyone wants their children to be successful, but this verse took a heavy weight off my shoulders. God wants me to train my children to love Him. I do not need to worry about what Jacob will or will not be able to accomplish as a person with special needs. I don't even need to worry about all the successes and failures in my other children's lives.  It is my role to teach them and help them as best as I can in all ways, but the Lord does not require us to raise only brain surgeons.  He requires us to raise children who love and honor and fear Him. 

I know I have said it before, but I guess I need to keep reminding myself that the most important thing I can teach Jacob is how to love Jesus and how to serve God in his own special way.  I know that if I do, he will never turn from God.  What an AWESOME promise! I can have peace, real peace about Jacob's eternity.  What more could a mother ask for?

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