Thursday, February 16, 2012

My Valentine

When a precious baby is born you can't help but to wonder...."Will they be smart, funny, pretty? What will they be? Who will they marry?" This past Valentine's Day that very question came to my mind. Will Jacob ever have a Valentine? Will he ever be married? It wasn't an overwhelming thought. I didn't get depressed or cry. I just couldn't shake the question. My mind wandered to friends and families with children that I know will never be married, they won't ever have a family. I thought to myself, "What would I say to them if they called me and asked me what to tell their loved one about that, or how would I encourage them when I myself feel scared and sad about that very thing?" Now, I know this is jumping the gun a bit. Will Jacob get married? I don't know, but if he is statistically on target then catching his AUTISM early gives him a big chance of mainstreaming and possibly being "NORMAL" enough to find love and get married. BUT....what if his autism is severe. Now I don't say that with anxiety and fear....Its not a "what if" I am going to panic about and stress on, but it is a "what if" then I need to have a plan. More so, I want to know what I'd say to that mom who knows for sure that her child will not be mentally or physically able to be in a marriage. Of course, I am not perfect and I'm sure whatever I say can be argued, but I do have a plan for me. I want to share this plan for those of you that wonder this very thing.

Psalm 139:13-14
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.

Romans 12:1-8
1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. 3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Soooooo what do these Bible verses mean to me? How do they apply to my son if he can not marry, or if no one will marry him? How will I explain to him if he asks if he can get married, but is not mature enough mentally to marry or live alone?

I will say with confidence that these Bible verses prove to me that his autism is no accident. God made him fearfully and wonderfully. God has an exact and distinct purpose for his life. I will trust my God and the abilities he has given my son and I will honor God in helping Jacob to find his purpose in Christ. I will help him learn how to honor and love God and hopefully help him to focus on how he can be used to serve the Lord. I will try my hardest to help him seek the things of God and not of this world. Money, relationships, education, these things mean nothing for our eternity. God didn't create everyone for marriage, no not even all the "normal" people.

 My heart deeply and sincerely goes out to the moms dealing with this, but I am hopeful that God has some even more amazing gifts and experiences and plans for your child. Do not judge your child's happiness on what this world has to offer. Trust that God has much more to offer to them than marriage.

I love my baby boy. I pray he will find a perfect spouse and that I will have sweet little grandbabies, but I am going to prepare myself and him for either way.


  1. This is always something I struggle with too. I just want my son to be happy. It does make me sad that he will never be able to have children of his own (most men with ds are sterile) and selfishly grandchildren for me. This may be for a good reason. Cognitivily he may not be able to support a family. Him getting married also affects insurance and any kind of finacial help he could get down the road. I have learn with my son that I can't stress over the future and I have to take one day at a time. I agree with you in that God has a plan and we just have to wait to see it unfold for our little guys. By the way, I don't know what girl would want to pass up that handsome little man of yours ;).

  2. I too am having a hard time dealing with my son's diagnosis and his future. It's always difficult when someone tells you that the apple of your eye isn't "normal" by earthly definitions. We've just decided that we'll make our own definition of normal!